Chicago Tribune: Julie Deardoff

Nip a brat in the bud. A child's bratty behavior is no big mystery. It nearly always stems from "a mix of a child's difficult temperament and misguided parenting methods," says psychologist Mary-Elaine Jacobsen in "THE BRAT STOPS HERE!" (St. Martin's Griffin, $13.95 paper). Jacobsen's tough-love solution clarifies the difference between rights and privileges. Rights include an abuse-free environment; adequate shelter, clothing and food; and access to education and basic health.

To your child's horror, everything else is a privilege. That includes television and phone time, computers, in-line skates, dinner at McDonald's, laundry service, $150 athletic shoes and copious amounts of soda per week. "Control over your child's privileges is key to better behavior," writes Jacobsen, an expert in child guidance and developmental psychology. Her system teaches parents to allocate privileges on a contingency basis. Good behavior means privileges are "on"; bad behavior means they're "off." The all-or-nothing approach will have a dramatic effect on your youngster, she promises.  On misbehaving rugrats: "Any child who can convince you that a privilege is an inalienable right has the upper hand."
©2006, The Chicago Tribune

Systematic Advice to Eliminate Bratty Behavior

Every parent has experienced the whiny, argumentative behavior that all children display at one time or another—the yelling and crying, the screaming tantrums. Jacobsen, an expert in child guidance and psychology, lays out an organized method for dealing with the behavior, and more importantly, eliminating it. Naturally, she begins with the diagnosis, helping parents understand bad behavior and its underlying causes, as well as what the parents may be doing to contribute to the problem. She stresses the importance of maintaining manageable expectations, and draws a key distinction between “privileges” and “inalienable rights.” She presents the core of her plan in the easy-to-follow chapter “How to Apply the Dr. J Way Step-by-Step and Avoid 5 Common Parenting Mistakes”—which include talking too much, tolerating noncompliance, allowing children to shirk responsibility for the problem. And make sure to present a unified front, she says, because children will use any loophole available to skirt around the issue.

A solid method for brat-free children, from an expert and experienced parent.
©2005, Kirkus Reviews

Cleveland Plain Dealer

In her years of working with hundreds of exasperated parents, Jacobsen tells us, not one of them set out to raise a bratty kid. But sometimes parenting can seem like a train cruising down the track to an unavoidable wreck. We start out thinking we will never bribe our kids with Burger King, never distract them by letting them watch “Power Rangers,” and always have a firm bedtime.

Jacobsen, an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Salem College in North Carolina, gives us an organized approach to parenting and promises it can work in five weeks. Some might think it’s over simplistic. Establish ground rules, explain them to your kids, and stick to them. But any parent (or teacher) will tell you that’s what works. Kids respond to love and discipline. The tough part is enforcement. So Jacobsen has made it easy.

She explains how to setup rules and enforce them. Time out for little kids and denying privileges to the older ones are big tools for managing children and a way to take emotions out of the equation. One of the key factors in all this, she tells us, is to remember that children are not bad—It’s their behavior.

The New Social Worker Online

Empowering, Inspiring, Real--Practical Advice For Empowering Today's Parents!
February 25, 2006, Consumer Reviews:

This gem is well written and includes practical and action-oriented plans for restoring balance to family life. While other books try to explain theory and behavior, this book focuses on parenting actions and reminds us that our job as parents is to raise our children to become healthy functioning adults. The book makes it easy to see how certain unmanaged behaviors, when allowed to continue, develop into habits and then permanent personality traits. And these personality traits contribute to tomorrow's social problems, distressful workplaces, and dysfunctional families. In clear and simple terms, Dr. Jacobsen explains where to focus our time and attention, how to redirect our child's behavior, and when to make these changes in our parenting behaviors.

This book will help those who feel pressured to give their children every advantage but have forgotten their primary job as parents: to support our children in becoming respectful, caring and responsible adults. The book outlines a step-by-step plan and reminds us of the basics that can be easily lost in our busy lives. With this renewed perspective on your parenting responsibilities, you will no longer be confused between rights and privileges.

THE BRAT STOPS HERE! empowers parents with a program that makes sense, restores honor to family life, and most importantly, maintains the dignity of our children.

Buy Now! | ©2006 by Dr. Mary-Elaine Jacobsen, PsyD. Everyday Genius® is a registered trademark of Mary-Elaine Jacobsen.